Silence has always been the most deafening scream I've ever had. Too hard to see for you, too much for me. We both loved when we wanted to, by no means when we had to. Yes, you will probably tell me that there shouldn't have been a moment to love each other, but there was. We were too busy blaming ourselves for anything, so we missed it with intangible perfection.
I didn't realize it was over until very late, maybe too late. I talk about the moments when I looked at you and I remembered everything I lived with you, next to you. The memories were perfect, but the present had entered a state of decay. Smell of reproach at every step, indifference moment by moment, tears that never stopped, away from your eyes.
I've always been naive. I was always sure that dreams can come true, but I never thought that nightmares are also dreams. I can't judge you. We both sinned differently. I because I saw with you the rest of my life and heart, and you because you saw in me something that I could never have been. Probably always when we love someone, we have too high expectations, too intense dreams, much too forced smiles.
When you fall into sin, you will not do it with someone with horns and a cloak. You will do it with the one who fulfills everything you have wanted for a lifetime. Along with the one who has ticked all the must-haves on your list.
Baby, you're another story I can't tell. Which I forget from day to day and which apparently never ends. This war, which we all fought in a certain period of our lives, changed me every day. We go to battles already lost, we capitulate in the name of the soul and we forget about myself every day. I've always been realistic. I knew I couldn't buy love, but I preferred to forget that I could go bankrupt for it.
We kiss you as if the past no longer exists. Do you remember? I kept your memory intact, so much, so intense, so involved that everything hurt. If you had asked me, I would have answered. I would have told you that even the air I breathe hurts me, I would have told you that my bones hurt from the weight of the memories I carry, I would have told you that I miss our plans that never took shape. I would have told you that everything hurts, but nothing in particular.
Baby, you can't touch me now. Neither you nor anyone else.
Now I don't capitulate because I have nothing to lose. Now I am impossible to defeat.
