Love never lasts 3 years. Sometimes I don't even think it will ever end. He will probably die when we give up on the one next to us. It dies when you make findings, it dies when you see that you give up the small pleasures for the one next to you… It dies when not even the cigarette causes you the same pleasure as a long time ago.
At that time, a cigarette was enough. Now you have added a glass of red wine… You have everything you could want, everything others would want and yet somehow it is not enough. Wondering what's missing… Wondering if it's a mistake. You begin to wonder more and more often what happiness looks like, how others see happiness, how happiness feels.
The first death is always the hardest. After the first there is no other. The rest are all the same. A piece of the soul dies, half of it dies and until you wake up to make an appointment with the doctor it is completely buried. There is no point in trying to treat anything else. You cover the bones with beautiful memories, you put a smile on your face and you become indifferent to anything. You don't even have to mimic anything. It's part of you.
The questions, the thoughts, the man next to you, that missing soul, the amalgam of memories, the routine days, the hectic nights cushion your fall. The fall you end up feeling like just a smooth flight over a dream nest.
I have always believed that if you want to find your own end, the surest way to it is love. There is nothing more devastating than love. There is nothing harder to endure than the perfect image that the one next to you paints. There is nothing harder to bear than his disappointment when he realizes that he made the portrait of an illusion.
Sometimes a single "if" destroyed stories of an eternity… Which makes me believe that even this eternity is a bastard and that sometimes it comes disguised so well that we do not realize that it does not add up to more than a second.
You were so used to entering people's lives like a hurricane, leaving souls in ruins and then leaving… You forgot that there comes a time in life when you want your soul to be your home and you not to ruin it. It's just that you don't know how to do that anymore. Inevitably you ruin your home step by step using your own thoughts, actions, words, hands…
