You look in the mirror. So many years have passed. You have matured beautifully, it is good that others cannot see the scars that your soul bears. She would be scared. You accept his invitation.
-I'll probably come.
You can't give up black, you can't give up a smile, you can't give up your way of being. There is no point in pretending. He knows you too well to get tired of looking changed. You prefer to go slow and pressed, you can't hurry. Who is still tired of running to a past that no longer wants it. Only curiosity makes you go to his table and force a smile that came naturally a few years ago.
-How many years have passed?
-Too many for so much silence.
You know you won't give him more than silence after tonight. You look him in the eye. You know he didn't get over it. You know he's just a vague memory to you. You find yourself in a pointless conversation. You look at him and you remember everything you loved about him. You look at him and remember how he taught you to love. You feel the alcohol warming your veins and your heart beating on a rainy night for the color of your thoughts.
-What are you hoping for?
-I do not know. I wanted that. To see you, to feel your smell, to see your smile, to watch you smoke slowly as if time stands still…
-My dear, time has never been on our side. Cigarettes are still sold on every street corner. It's easier to buy slims than dreams that will never see the light of reality.
-Where's your soul?
-You poisoned him some time ago. And not my dear, don't take my hand. What I am now is not for you.
Look carefully out the window. What to pay more attention to? Your reflection or people too naked to notice the beauty of the rain? You could pay attention to the man in front of you. He's exactly the one you met many years ago. Completely unchanged and in love with you. Then he thought that leaving was a solution, now you feel that leaving is the best solution.
-You're unchanged.
-And yet so changed. It's so late
-It's barely ten.
-That's not what I mean. Why did you come back?
-I still want you. Also for life.
-I wanted you. Then. Now I don't know what I want, but I know for sure not you. You were telling me you like storms. Do you remember? We show you how many stars are in the sky and you told me you wanted chaos. I offered it to you, but you weren't ready for it.
You are both silent and smoking. Nothing has changed with him. Not even the smoke coming out of his lips. Not even the fleeting smile when he glances at you, not even the look thrown under his glasses, not even the smell that drove you crazy then. You looked at each other in silence. You smile at each other. What was on his mind? So many years had passed.
-I loved you, you know…
-I still love you.
-It's too late for us.
-You're so cold.
-Autumn has came. How would you like me to be?
-How do you think it was?
-I saw how it was. If I want fairy tales, I read a book.
You could read the amazement on his face. He realized what he had done. He couldn't change anything. He knew that tonight was no longer the woman he was a few years ago. He wasn't the same man either.
-I will leave.
-Stay.
-I was there once. A beautiful life.
-I'm not giving up.
-I stopped fighting.
You knew without turning that he was looking after you. You could feel his gaze measuring you from head to toe. You knew you hated time for how it had transformed you and realized that your soul was long gone from your story.
